A visit to the Zoo

Tragedy struck this morning, as I rested tenderly upon a cafe settee. The tea I had ordered was, to my immense surprise, delivered avec biscuit. Trembling with glee I raised the morsel to my lips. Closer, closer, boom! My vice-like jaws snapped shut with with mighty strength. Alas, they did not ensnare the cookie alone. Poor Mr Tongue, wobbling around in my cavernous mouth like a blob of jelly, became a victim of the carnage; trapped between grinding enamel walls of death. Tears streamed from my face. I fled in disgrace.

Next stop – the zoo. Wonderful, extraordinary; Kingdom of the animals. I was very nervous, but a brave group of schoolchildren allowed me to join their expedition and we had the merriest of times running from cage to cage. One little ruffian sprinted into me causing the chocolate bar I was eating to slip from my grasp. This put me in to an extremely foul mood indeed, until I saw a parrot with a bright yellow beak.

Listen to this. There is a cage within the zoo. Within that cage there lies a log. Upon that log there sits…a chimp. And now picture the following: this animal is able to climb to the very top of a tree, and to SWING on a branch! He eats a hundred bananas a day, and does not wear any clothes at all. What an odd, hairy little chap. Quite absurd.

You will not believe this. There is an animal, and its name is a ‘Seal’. That’s right. It is, without exaggerating, a brown lump of goo, with whiskers, and a little black nose. And do you know what he eats for tea? A whole bucket filled with fish. And also, he is able to balance a football on his face and make an ‘arf’ sound like a drowning flabby dog.

The land of penguins was indescribably funny. What noble, waddling beasts. Do you know, dear reader, that they cannot fly? They are best described as black and white eggs with legs that live in a land of ice!  Occasionally they fall prey to killer whales, possibly the only animal more monochromic than they. Now THAT, I must say, is ironic.

I returned home on a double decker bus. Absolutely incredible.